About cantakeitnemore

The first word that comes to my mind is, confused. That's what I am, a confused person trying to find out answers. Don't picture me on the basis of just that. I am a person full of faults and totally attached to the materialistic world but still trying to get rid of it with spirituality. If at all, it is what I should do. But since that looks like the "right" thing to do now, I will continue, until I REALLY know something. And yes, one important thing, I love gadgets, I just love them (was it really important?)

The Pointless Existence

Doesn't it ?

I have tried to look for answers patiently, passively and aggressively and I have failed. What is the point of existence? Mine, yours, everyone else’s? What are we doing here?

Well, this is just another attempt at it.

There are questions that have been vaguely answered by various online readings, debates and movies but they do not make complete sense until the one above has been answered to.

Is there a God? Does it have a form or is it formless? What/Who made God? Is time linear? Does time really exist (I still do not completely understand this one)? All these books/holy scriptures/stories whatever we call them are too adulterated to be followed as a life guide. And the experts of all these books usually are too biased to provide a solution. But then again, why is life there in the first place to guide?

Adulterated? Why? Politics, power, greed, change the contents in order to suit their motives. I am trying to believe that at least one of the innumerable really has the solution. But why would they do that? Wouldn’t they want to know the real meaning too? Well, I guess the “so-called” materialistic pleasures blind (or at least temporarily blind) us. If someone offers me a free sample of the latest possible gadget right now, I would not even think twice before the priority list in my head shuffles and trying to find an answer to THE QUESTION, is pushed back. Unless, I am 100% sure about finding the answer. Imagine how tempting all that power must be for the poor souls. So it’s not right to blame them for it. All of us make mistakes, they just make bigger ones since they have bigger “rewards” to get.

If I get through this time*, I will probably call it the part of my life where I experienced “the existential crisis” , and if I don’t, well, then I’ll be continued to be called weird with it becoming almost a problem and maybe even a psychological disorder.

When I say getting through*, I do not mean to say that I am in a crisis or a problem now, although it does bother me to an extent that psychology will consider it a disease, I just mean a time when THE QUESTION is pushed further deeply and I will be too engrossed in enjoying/attaining the “worldly pleasures” and will not be interested (at that moment at least) in answering it. This is what usually happens.

Note to future self (If I become “NORMAL”): Have you found it? What is the point? Do not laugh at me, it is not a stupid question. Believe me, you still have no clue if it even makes any sense.

Note to the still “WEIRD” future self: You obviously have found out more than me; try to put it back in THIS frame of mind, if you can. Dude, you suck! So do I, but carry on. Nobody’s opinion matters, haven’t you understood it yet? I’m with you.

Coming back to the present.

This is what I have learnt until now. We, humans, try to find out the answers all possible ways we can. Science, religion, spirituality, meditation, conversations, blogs [;)], prayers, conferences and ways I still don’t know about. And in the journey we use the information we get through it for “enhancing” our life. It is only human (or maybe not), but unfortunately, we keep forgetting to look for the answer during the process.

People have claimed to have found the answer, but either they are lying or they can’t explain it to lowly souls like me. Many say it’s to be experienced and not be told.

As Eckhart Tolle says in “the Power of Now”, it is something you should not try to understand with your mind. You have to FEEL it. And it is not a magical/miraculous thing as we all tend to think. I will personally blame it (yes I am a blamer, shoot me) on the depictions of Buddha getting enlightened under the tree. He says, like many others, that it is something that you have always known but never realized. His example was great but I’ll put it in my own words: Its like when you keep trying to find the answer to a question in an exam and it won’t come to you, you might even think that it’s something you cannot answer but when you go out of the examination hall and discuss it with others/ask someone/look inside the book, it hits you then or sometimes just after the first step out of the hall, YOU KNEW IT ALL ALONG. (Am I right, Mr.Tolle?)

His example was about a beggar who sat on a box full of gold and never looked inside it. (I hope you can make out what the story must be). But I could relate to this one better and I’m sure there must be many others like me. So if I got it right, then it is something that I’ve already known which the answer is.

I had this pencil box in class 8 which on opening fully used to close again but the design inside would come out. Like a new one. Get it? It was cylindrical with two kinds of designs. I hope you get it. That was also the time when we read about the planetary model of the atom for the first time. That is when something strangely made sense to me (don’t suddenly move your thought process to “oh! She’s just trying to show how smart she was”, please, we all have these kind of moments), The smallest thing (the atom) and the biggest one (our solar system) [now neither is the atom the smallest nor is the solar system biggest] are the similar/same. So what if everything was just inside out? Something like, if we go to the farthest point in the universe, we just might end up in the smallest part of the atom.

This is somewhat like the box I had

But then again, there is always something outside everything, isn’t it? Just like I was sitting outside the pencil box, so it brings me back to the same confusion, infinity. What is it? And how is it possible?

My acquired logic tells me that everything occupies space, and space has to be somewhere so everything lies in something. But then, everything must have a boundary/an end. So it becomes limitless again. And I can’t solve it. And I need help for it. I envy those who understand quantum physics and also claim to understand the concept of infinity. If they really do, they are the real enlightened ones. Oh! But I will still try to continue reading about it (Quantum Physics), even though I do not understand the Q of it, yet. I will keep trying.

Why did the (seemingly) pointless existence have to be so complex as well?